Scar Clan
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
Rumi
In Nomahegan park, Cranford, beside a bridge, lives an old apple blossom tree, whose gnarly exposed roots secure it to the pond’s bank.
Walking across the bridge exposes its backside, its secret. A deep gash, perhaps from lightning, left a raw and ragged vertical wound along the length of its trunk. The first time I saw this scar, I thought ‘How could this tree sustain such a deep cut and continue to thrive so brilliantly?’
And then, I smiled to myself, ‘Welcome, my friend, to the Scar Clan. I too, have sustained deep scars. Permanent scars, whose aches come and go as life changes. Disfigurements that are a part of me, that shape me into something even more beautiful, like you.’
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Jungian psychoanalyst and NYT best -selling author, coined the term Scar Clan in her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves.
Estes writes, “Women have been advised that certain events, choices, and circumstances violated some social or moral code of their culture, religion, or personal value system (and that such violations) are of the most shameful nature and are therefore completely without absolution.”
Further, Estes writes “a woman is encouraged to believe that the secret must never be revealed…that she must believe that if she does reveal it, all decent persons shall revile her in perpetuity. This additional threat, as well as the secret shame itself, causes a woman to carry not one burden but two. The keeping of secrets cuts off a woman from those who would give her love, succor and protection. It causes her to carry the burden of grief and fear all by herself and sometimes for a group, family or culture.”
But, share a secret in a safe and supportive space, a Clan, where it can be grieved, cried over, raged about, spoken freely without another fixing or belittling or comparing, felt, acknowledged, seen, and heard, and the shame scars transform into Battle Scars. Unlike a shame scar, a battle scar is worn courageously and proudly.
Battle Scars are proof of endurance, acceptance of failures, relishing of victories, validation of earned brazenness, and inspire ourselves and others to live intuitively, creatively, vulnerably, and wisely.
When the Battle Scarred come together, they celebrate! They toast each other’s hard choices, healing, artistry, resolve, and compassion. The Battle Scarred Clan sees beauty in their imperfections.
Note - A Clan is to be chosen wisely. You are exposing your heart and soul. It can be a trusted friend or friends, professional therapist, somatic therapy, support group - a container that is capable and skilled at holding space. You are honoring the other person by sharing your secrets. Honor yourself. Choose wisely.
Kintsugi, the Japanese, centuries -old, art of rejoining broken pottery, manifests the concept of Scar Clan, in physical form.
Instead of trying to camouflage the repair with clear glue, a sap lacquer, dusted with powdered gold is used to rejoin the pieces. The repaired piece celebrates uniqueness, by drawing attention to its fractures, instead of trying to hide them. Transformation into something even more beautiful because of its imperfections.
Who is in your Scar Clan? If you don’t have one, contact me - let’s figure that out together. What events, choices, and circumstances were you advised to bury within you? How would it be for you to feel and share your secrets in a safe and supportive way?