Kripalu Yoga "Ah Ha's"
Nex Benedict. 1/11/2008-2/7/2024
“How could anyone ever tell you, you were less than whole?” L. Roderick
“Out beyond right and wrong, there’s a field. I’ll meet you there.” Rumi
This Newsletter may make you feel uncomfortable. I can understand that. I hope you read it to the end, anyway.
In an earlier Newsletter, Your Brain’s GPS, I talked about how the brain is wired to feel uncomfortable with uncertainty. How the brain would prefer to continue with a known unhealthy, rather than use its energy and resources to grapple with new patterns, even if the new patterns would be helpful. New ways of thinking are a form of new patterns.
Nex Benedict was a 16 year-old child. School should always be a safe place, for all children, regardless of their pronouns. Unfortunately, in the US, schools and children are not safe, on many levels.
Culture, religion, family, schools, communities, recorded history, politics, states and countries have belief systems. Some beliefs change over time – i.e. in 1776, it was common for men to dress fancy and frilly. Or, it wasn’t until 1923, that the Attorney General announced it would no longer be illegal for women to wear pants in public.
Some beliefs do not change over time – i.e. – In a letter to her husband John, March 1776, Abigail Adams wrote, “Remember the Ladies, and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the Husbands”. Here we are, in 2024, and the Equal Rights Amendment still has not been made into law, and many politicians remain fixated on controlling women’s roles and bodies.
At birth, the medical community labels us a sex, male or female, by looking at the genitals on our bodies. That label is then assigned a SS number and thus, one’s identity is established in our nation. Except we are more than our presenting birth genitals.
Sex is not gender. The Trevor Project, defines gender as “the internal experience of being a man, a woman, a non-binary, or otherwise. Every person experiences gender differently- you cannot know someone’s gender by simply looking at them”
Anyone who doesn’t conform to the belief system of the moment, is perceived as causing trouble for culture, religion, schools, families, communities, politics, states and countries. Non- conformity brings into question all that they stand for and all that they want from you – which is to stick to their program so that they can always be in charge. These belief systems are saying “You must conform. You cannot do something new”.
Except gender identification, whether it be cis, trans, non-binary, gender fluid or two spirit is not something new. Gender identification and gender expression have existed, do exist, and will continue to exist. Certain culture, religion, schools, families, communities, politics, states and countries are uncomfortable with gender identification and expression that is not aligned with birth sex label. We each desire to live in our full expression.
In Kripalu yoga, there’s something called the “Ah Ha” moment. It’s when, during practice, a profound shift happens. For example, one day, you’re in warrior I and all of a sudden, a knowing arises. You may have done warrior I hundreds of times before, but this time, a doorway into your body, mind and soul opens and you feel an “Ah Ha”, you learn something profoundly new. It doesn’t matter WHAT you learn, it’s in the learning itself.
Now, it’s in the NEXT moment that the juice really happens. Once we have an “Ah Ha”, we say to ourselves, ‘all this time, I thought I understood warrior I, but in this moment, I see that my knowing has deepened, WHAT ARE THE OTHER BELIEFS IN MY LIFE THAT I THOUGHT I KNEW FOR SURE, BUT MAY HAVE NOT BEEN UNDERSTANDING?!’. An “Ah Ha” is the foundation of compassion, empathy and lovingkindness – for it’s in the open question of oneself, that we then, by extension, can look around us and say, ‘huh, maybe the things I thought I knew, are not necessarily true for all.”
Another principle in Kripalu yoga is “what is true and real for me, is not real and true for you. Every experience is acceptable.” I love that. The fullest expression of my being does not in any way lessen or impinge upon your right to be the fullest expression of your being.
Note- of course, yoga’s first precept is ahimsa, non-violence. In living one’s fullest expression, violence in any form, to self or others is not acceptable, and not what I am promoting.
Science is defined as “the systematic study of the structure and behavior of the physical and natural world through observation, experimentation and the testing of theories against the evidence obtained.” Testing of theories against the evidence obtained means our knowledge, our understandings, can continue to change as more evidence is obtained.
Through the testing of theories against the evidence obtained, we are learning that in nature, some animals can switch sex and/or are born with both male and female sexual organs. We are also learning more about human “intersex”. From the NIH “Although sex is typically misconceptualized as a binary of male (XY) or female (XX), many other chromosomal arrangements, inherent variations in gene expression patterns, and hormone levels exist. Intersex categorizations include variations in chromosomes present, external genitalia, gonads (testes or ovaries), hormone production, hormone responsiveness, and internal reproductive organs. Medical classification of intersex individuals is not always done at birth, as many intersex traits do not become apparent until puberty or later in life.” I love the mysteries and complexities of life.
The thing about science is that we keep learning. (Ethics in science is a big and important question, that I won’t get into here). As we learn, we expand. As we expand, we experience change in our lived experiences and in our capacity to see and accept the other.
Nex was labeled the other and treated as an outcast. And because of that, their life was cut short. An entrenched belief system refused to meet Nex in a field out beyond right and wrong. To choose acceptance over judgment.
I honor Nex’s self-awareness in knowing their truth, and the courage in living their truth. They were beautiful and whole, just the way they are.
“How could anyone ever tell you, you were anything less than beautiful? How could anyone ever tell you, you were less than whole? How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle? How deeply you’re connected to my soul.” Libby Roderick. Nex Benedict Memorial Service. Montclair 2/25/2024
Rest in Peace Nex. I promise to do better by you and all the children.